Twisted Fates
by xiiBrokeniix
Summary: Former bully, Draco Malfoy, Head Boy has been abused by his father since he was young. He falls into a hole of depression and is self-harming to cope with the pain. It isn't long before Head Girl, Hermione finds out about it, but will her wish to save him stir up some unlikely feelings between the two? and will Hermione be able to catch the falling boy before he tips off the edge?
1. Chapter 1

**Please review if you want another chapter, if I get no reviews there's no point continuing the story because how do I know if you guys like these types of stories?**

 **Disclaimer:** All characters, objects, spells and places in this story belong to J.K Rowling.

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER:** Self-harm, Mentions of child abuse, Depression, Mild cursing.

Hermione/Draco Pairing

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Draco rolled over in his bed in pain, there was no comfortable way to lay down, he leaned on his left arm because his right was still aching from the previous day's affairs. He stared in annoyance at his clock, it was sharply defined by a convenient ray of silver moonlight.

Almost 5 o clock.

That meant he'd been lying here without sleeping for just shy of six hours. He reached out and grabbed his wand that was laying on his nightstand ready for use and muttered a curse.

"Lumos"

A rather dull and depressing light flared from the tip of the Slytherins wand, only just illuminating the Head Boy quarters. The deep green covering most of the furnishings looked gloomy and grim in the light. Draco sighed, sitting up in his bed playing with his wand his eyes missing color and happiness.

He pulled back his sleeve on his left arm and held his wand over his wrist, he was checking how well his cuts were healing.

Draco was glad he was one of Snape's favorites students in potions, Snape often trusted him alone in his classroom and he had managed to steal a few healing potions. Sure, he could make them himself, he wasn't terrible at potions but he didn't have the time or ingredients.

By now there wasn't much evidence left on his wrist, there were scratches and his skin was red as the healing potion only stopped the blood. But still, nothing too noticeable remained. Other days/nights had left deeper marks; the imprint of a word here or there, deep lines and just healing scars.

Draco ran his finger across his bumpy wrist, lost in his thoughts.

He had been thinking about the same thing for hours on end. No wonder why he hadn't gotten any sleep. He looked at his wrists again the old scarring from worse nights wouldn't heal for quite some time. The pain was already starting to disappear and this was what he feared most. When the pain went away it was harder to force the demons out of his head.

His door was locked shut and the castle was silent, he was safe and would not be discovered. Even so, he listened intently for any sound of the Head girl, sleeping in the quarters next to his.

Mud-blood Granger.

Out of all people he had been forced to share a common room with. There was nothing but silence and the sound of his clock ticking over.

Quietly he reached to the shelf underneath his bedside table and pulled out a thick book and a quill that was next to it, it had a rather sharp looking point and Draco held his wand with one hand and used the other to pull back down his pajama sleeves then he opened the book.

Some people might have called it a diary, but they obviously didn't know Draco well enough to know that such things were below him, it was more like a place to write down his thoughts that he would never dare to tell another soul. But there was also drawings and doodles, on some pages all there was were angry slashes of ink.

However, nothing inside of this book was written in ink. Every single thing was written in blood.

Draco flipped through the pages until he found the next empty page while smoothing down the page then he started to write.

 _Can't sleep. Much the same as normal._

He paused for a moment staring at his bare arm, and sure enough, the words he had written appeared on his arm. He watched the wound slowly heal, the healing potion from earlier obviously hadn't worn off yet. He grimaced at the pain for a second then carried on writing.

 _I can't stop thinking of the idiot who I address as my father. He wouldn't approve of what I'm doing now, he would beat me and say that it was a disgrace to the Malfoy name._

He'd stolen the quill from his fathers set of Dark Art items last summer. He wasn't going to use it in this way when he found it, he just wanted to make sure that it worked. But the pain soon became very addictive. He had studied plenty of books to work out the charm to change the quill so it didn't cut your hand but your arm instead, he considered this one of his great triumphs because it was not easy.

 _I remember the first time he used The Cruciatus Curse on me, It was when I was only 7 he hadn't cared in the slightest that the ministry named it one of the three unforgivable curses. He treats me like a machine, once I finish school I'm going to get the dark mark, and without school, I'll have nowhere else to hide. I'm sick of life._

The final three words cut deeper the usual

Draco dropped his wand and gripped his arm, trying to stop the blood flow. If anyone ever saw, if anyone even suspected what he was doing, he was dead.

But death didn't seem like such a bad thing either.

Closing his book with a snap he placed it back in its home with the quill. Draco picked his wand back up, he made sure to be quiet as he didn't want nosy Granger to hear him "Tergeo" he whispered pointing towards his clothing and to his relief, the blood stains started to vanish. Draco put his wand back on the table and closed his eyes, he felt much better now that all his mind could focus on was the pain instead of spitting insults at him.

Draco was asleep for around 15 minutes before he awoke himself out of a nightmare.

 **~Change of Scene~**

"Did you actually sleep at all last night, Malfoy?"

Hermione shot these words at him as soon as he had walked into the common room the next morning. Raising his head, Draco gave her a baleful glare. He was already well aware that laying awake in the small hours of the night had left him looking exhausted.

Like most nights.

"And you care because...?" he replied with a sneer elegantly falling onto the sofa. Hermione looked up from her essay, giving him own of her 'Little Miss Perfect' glares. "In case you have forgotten, it's your turn to patrol the corridors tonight." she rebuked him "You look as if you're going to fall asleep, honestly Malfoy you're so irresponsible."

Draco grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl beside his seat and began playing with it passing it from hand to hand "...and honestly Granger you're too nosy. It's none of your business what time I go to sleep." he spat back at her.

"It is my business if it damages your jobs as Head Boy." she replied scribbling some more things on a piece of paper" Draco mouthed some insults to her.

Why did Dumbledore have to pick her to be Head Girl?

It had to be Mud Blood Granger, didn't it?

Hermione glanced up from her essay "Are you going to eat that apple or keep playing with it like a child until it becomes bruised? Draco realized he had been passing it from hand to hand faster and faster, judging by Grangers reaction Draco figured the noise was annoying. Grinning he continued playing with it and answered her.

"Just wondering if I could knock you out with this or whether I would need something heavier to get past your thick skull" he drawled grinning cruelly.

Hermione glared at him and rolled her eyes "Just eat it already." she spat. Draco laughed at her and stopped playing with it while turning to face her "What will you do If I don't?" he asked in a mocking tone. She reached for her wand and pointed it at Draco "I'll hex back you into the middle of last week." she said in an irritated tone

"Really?" he smirked. He knew annoying Granger would be the highlight of his day so he tried to make the most of it.

"Don't test me. Just eat the apple and let me finish reading with some peace and _quiet._ " she said emphasizing the word 'quiet' He stopped messing around with the apple getting bored and took a big bite of it. Half the apple later Hermione got up. Picking her books up she slid them into her bag. "Breakfast is in a few minutes, Malfoy."

Draco waved his apple at her "I'm not going today, not particularly hungry." Hermione glared at him as she closed her bag and lifted it over her shoulder "I don't know how you expect to learn, you've barely slept and now you're refusing to eat a proper breakfast."

"It's called having a brain Granger." he called after her as she walked out the door.

Draco rolled his eyes and threw his half eaten apple into the bin next to him. A true 'Slytherin' thought came to mind and he jumped to his feet, crossing the room to Hermione's. He knew she wouldn't be back for at least another 30 minutes.

Draco reached her room and pushed the door open, scanning the room for any hexes that she might have added for extra security but surprisingly, there were none. Draco walked to her wardrobe and opened it cautiously, when nothing happened he pushed her black school robes aside. His silver quick eyes were trained by Quidditch to pick up even the slightest of details. Soon, he found what he was looking for. It was a small silver ornament shaped like a stag.

Potters patronus. An interesting choice.

Draco sat down on her bed and tapped the ornament with his wand a few times muttering a charm "Nuyiha" the stag started to twist, turn and morph until it stopped. Now it was a plain brown book, bold golden words on the front of it.

'Diary'

Flipping through the pages with a satisfied smile, he started to read where he left off last time.

 **~New Scene~**

Draco muttered their common room password yawning as he did so and entered the room. It had been a long and tiresome day, the lessons had felt like they dragged on for hours, and the amount of homework was ridiculous. He spent his lunch in the library trying to keep up with it all. He had returned to his common room for a few minutes of rest before he had to go patrolling the corridors.

Which is why it annoyed him intensely when Hermione looked up from her book and rebuked him "Where have you been? Did you not know that it's your shift to patrol and I am _NOT_ doing it for you and honestly you look like a complete mess." He leaned against the door frame "Granger shut up, I know I have to go patrolling it's been an extremely hard day and I've returned to get a few minutes of rest, thanks for the ego-boosting comment it was bloody what I needed right now."

Hermione looked shocked "Sorry Malfoy..."

"You should be" he snapped back making his way to his door, opening it wide then shutting it with a bang and slumping down on the other side of it.

5 minutes of peace.

He opened his eyes slightly, hoping to find his bed so he could crash onto it and get some rest. He froze against the door frame for a moment staring in fear at what was in front of him, it was his father's owl, he didn't have a name.

Draco got up and clumsily walked over to the window opening it and grabbing the letter from the owl's claws. When the owl didn't leave Draco got irritated "Go on. Shoo. I'm not sending a reply back so piss off." With a hoot, the owl left and Draco slammed the window shut as soon as it left. He had so much anger boiling up inside of him, he looked out the window at the lake, it was so calm, so peaceful, unlike his emotions that were threatening to break the mental dam he created to keep them in check.

Draco knew what the letter would say.

He sat down on his bed, staring at it for a second before deciding to open it

 _Draco,_

 _I trust everything at school is going well, you better be keeping your image, it's rather unfortunate about Dumbledore choosing that mud blood to be Head Girl. But, she's Potters friend, maybe you can get under his skin. Do whatever it takes to make him feel horrible._

 _Come and meet me in Knock Turn alley for your weekly 'punishment' this upcoming Monday at 1 am sharp. It will be this late because I don't want anybody finding us. I won't discuss what I'm talking about in this letter in case someone else finds it. But I"m sure you know what I'm referring to. Do not be late or you will regret it and remember I only do these things to you to make you stronger._

 _-Lucius._

Draco barely finished reading the last line before he crumpled the piece of paper up. Every single line of the letter had an order in it, Draco was just his puppet, a machine to be tampered with. His father was always controlling him. Draco wished his father was like a normal parent. Where on this letter did he say that he loved Draco?

Nowhere. His father didn't give a shit.

His anger was boiling up inside him and he wanted to let it all out, to throw things across the room to scream at his father and tell him no and that he didn't want to be beaten he hadn't done anything to deserve it. But he was too afraid to do so.

He couldn't tell anyone about it anyway, he was known as the arrogant scary blonde Slytherin. Draco shuddered at this, he knew this was how people viewed him but it wasn't him, it was just an act he had to keep up.

The Malfoy reputation was at risk.

He didn't care much for this, though, but his father did.

Draco was in pain, it wasn't physical but it was mental and he had to block the thoughts from his head, somehow they stung deeper than any cut or physical injury could.

Draco reached for his book and his quill. He didn't bother writing words, he had to stop the voices now. He ripped his sleeve down and he made a long deep slash in the pages, not caring about keeping his voice down he was sure Granger had already gone to go meet Hagrid or something like she normally did most nights.

The pain of it hit a second later and he stared down at his arm as a long line that went the whole length of his forearm started to appear. There was too much blood, Draco reached for one of Snape's healing potions and chugged it fast, he was glad that he had these. They kept the pain but stopped the blood. His right hand shook as he reached for his quill that he had dropped and he started to write in a rumble of words.

 _I'm useless and worthless, I'm just your little puppet, aren't I? I won't let you dictate everything I do, I will choose my own future, no I won't let you..._

He was so focused on what he was doing, so focused on stopping the demons in his head that it took a shocked gasp from the doorway to bring him back to reality.

He dropped the quill almost instantly and slammed the book shut pulling down his sleeve and bringing his arm to his chest, but the damage was done. Hermione Granger stood in the doorway fear and pity in her eyes her mouth covered by her clasped hands.

Draco gave her a murderous glare "You saw nothing." he hissed "Nothing, understand?"

Hermione wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing and she stood to her full height "N-no, I did see something. Malfoy, this is serious you could really hurt yourself."

"Like you give a damn"

Her eyes widened "Of course I do, you might kill yourself doing that..."

Draco rolled his eyes in annoyance at her "And the only reason you care about that" he tried to control his anger while answering "is because it wouldn't look good for you." He began to mimic Professor McGonagall; "You didn't even realize that the boy you shared quarters with was doing this to themselves? Not a very good Head Girl are you, Miss Granger?"

"That's not the reason I'm worried. You're hurting yourself which means something must be wrong."

"Whatever Granger I don't care." he spat "The important thing is you saw nothing, nothing at all."

She shook her head backing away through the door "You can't do anything if I tell the teachers. They will help you, it's for your own good."

"I know what my own good is better than you. You will not tell anyone." he hissed

"I will..."

Draco played the ace up his sleeve remembering what Hermione had hidden her diary as,

Potters Patronus.

It was worth a shot.

"If anyone finds out about this I'll tell the entire school about your little crush on Potter." he sneered

"He's just my friend," Hermione said nervously.

"Don't lie, Granger, I'm not the only one who writes things down in a book."

Hermione stared at him her eyes wide "You mean to say that you read my Diary...?" she asked a little too shocked

Draco threw her an arrogant smile "Sure did."

Hermione was now angry "That's private how could you?!"

Draco was still smiling "I'm a Slytherin, it was expected of me. So you keep my little secret and I'll keep yours. Deal?"

Hermione didn't have a crush on Harry, they were just friends. But Hermione thought about how awkward it would be if Harry thought she was attracted to him. What if he tried to ask her out? She would decline of course because she doesn't have a crush on him but what would that mean for their friendship. Hermione didn't want to ruin it.

Hermione looked downcast, frowning, trying to decide if it was worth it. "Deal." she said at last sadly "But Malfoy you have to try to stop this..."

Draco shot her a glare standing up "I don't have to do anything _ **."**_ he replied irritated "Now if you'll excuse me I have a night shift to go to. Goodbye."

He didn't bother trying to hide the book he wrote in, he knew Hermione would find a way to read it anyway.

No point.

So he left his room shoving past the girl.

He cursed himself under his breath for letting Hermione find out. Draco wondered if Hermione really cared but he shook the thought out of his head.

No, she couldn't.

No one cared about anyone in this selfish world.

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 **END OF CHAPTER:**

 **Please review it inspires me to write faster :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter two, I have to admit I felt a little reluctant to write this or post it because I've only gotten 1 review and that makes me really sad.**

 **Please Review if you want more chapters and I want to send a thank you to the 1 person that reviewed this.**

 **Disclaimer:** All characters, objects, spells and places in this story belong to J.K Rowling.

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER:** SELF HARM, DEPRESSION, CURSING, CHILD ABUSE

Hermione/Draco Pairing

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Draco got back last night from patrolling to find Hermione reading a book on the couch, she had tried to start a conversation up with him, but he bluntly ignored her not believing that she really cared.

The next morning was cold and wet, the air was fresh; as autumn turned into winter and a slight bit of frozen water laced the school grounds. Draco didn't go down to breakfast that day to avoid the rush of people. He stayed in his room pretending to be asleep, Granger had taken his quill and his book, but he wasn't bothered. He would find a way to get them back soon.

He wasn't in the mood to keep up his act today, so he stayed in his room for the whole day. He was sure his friends wouldn't care too much, he barely saw them anymore and it made him wonder if they were really considered 'friends' anymore.

Hermione left for the library to study at around five pm.

'Who studies on a Saturday?' Draco thought to himself.

Draco imagined that Hermione wouldn't be back for at least 40 minutes and this gave him time for some truly 'Slytherin' activity's, which was very important after last night's events. He pulled himself out of his bed and walked to Hermione's room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. He had to know if she was going to leak anything, even the slightest of details about what he does to himself.

Draco looked in the wardrobe, he tried to tell if anything looked different if there was anything in there that wasn't there before. He wasn't stupid and he knew Granger wouldn't use the same trick of the stag figurine again after she found out Draco had been reading it. He ending up taping everything in the closet with his wand muttering "Nuyiha"

Nothing.

Draco looked around the room to see if anything looked different and his quidditch eyes picked up something, a small broken watch. It wasn't unordinary for a Mud-Blood to own this muggle object but it was worth a shot, after all, it hadn't been there yesterday.

Ah, that was it. In the place that the broken watch had once been there was a familiar book, Grangers Diary. This had been far too easy and he still had half an hour until Granger would be back.

Maybe next time she would work harder on keeping it hidden, he hoped she would as he much enjoyed decoding her spells.

Sitting on her bed he flickered through the pages to the most recent entry, last night.

 _I'm still shaking from what I just saw, I can't believe it to be real, it feels like a nightmare._

 _I never thought Malfoy would be the type of person to do this. He's too smug, too cruel._

 _He had one of those dark magic quills like the one Umbridge made Harry use once in detention. But it was different, I think he charmed it to make the cuts hurt more. It was awful to watch, really. He had so many scars on his arms, he's been doing this for a while and I haven't even realized it!_

 _He was pretty angry that I found out, unsurprisingly. I can't help but think, what If I never found him? What if one day he cuts himself too deep and dies?  
_

 _Either way, Malfoy needs help, I'm extremely worried about him. I need to tell someone but I can't or else he'll tell Harry that I like him and that would completely ruin our friendship. Ugh, I know I'm babbling now. I did take his quill however and his 'diary' I hid it under my bed and hopefully, this will stop his dangerous activities._

 _For now anyway._

 _-Hermione_

Draco grinned, it had been that simple and he had his quill back. He was also very pleased with the fact that she didn't look sound like she was planning to leak any information. She said she wasn't sure but Draco knew she had made up her mind already, her friendship with Potter was more important than his well-being to her and for this he was grateful.

And she said she worried about him! This made Draco laugh: It was obviously one of those Gryffindor things, it was good and noble to worry about poor broken Draco that sliced up his arms every few days.

Draco sighed and threw the diary on her bed, not bothering to turn it back into a watch, he thought it would annoy her if she knew he read it.

 **~New Scene~**

Draco was barely 5 pages into the book, -How the Grinch Stole Christmas!- when the common room door opened and Hermione peered through it and walked in. She looked almost nervously at Draco

"are you feeling alright?" her tone slightly shaky. Draco looked up from his book he had to fight the urge to laugh a hint of amusement in his eyes "Na, I was just thinking about making a long speech and jumping off the Astronomy Tower."

She frowned at him "Please try to take this seriously I'm only trying to help, this is really wrong."

He rolled his eyes at her "No one asked for your opinion, MudBlood. I don't need your help, don't you understand?"

Hermione ignored the insult sighing to herself and swung her bag around her shoulder and off herself then grabbed something out of it, a book.

' _Self Harm in Wizards and how to help.'_ she passed the book to Draco and he flipped through the pages stopping at page number 34, he started to read.

'Self-harming in wizards is not okay but is not common, but not extremely rare. _Some wizards self-harm because they feel like they have no control and it's a way for them to gain control again. Some wizards do it for this reason and to stop the mental pain, most wizards who do it because of this will eventually resort to suicide to end the pain forever. Self-harming in wizards is extremely rare, and if you know someone who is doing it; tell authorities immediately. Only the most insane of wizards choose this as a coping method and it takes a lot of hatred for oneself to do this.'_

Draco closed the book and threw it behind the back of the couch, not able to contain his laughter "This is hilarious, now please piss off."

"Malfoy, I know how to help. Please let me," she said in a soft voice.

For some reason, this made Draco extremely irritated. She was acting like she knew everything about this all of a sudden, she couldn't help him. He didn't need help. He wasn't insane! Draco knew he had to act fast to get Hermione off his case, he wasn't planning to stop his coping method anytime soon.

"Piss off you idiot." he screamed at her.

He had expected her to throw an insult back, to defend her honor but she didn't, all she did was look sadly into his eyes with the same amount of pity that she had last night.

Draco stood in complete rage and walked to his room slamming the door behind him.

 **~New Scene~**

Draco picked the book back up and continued.

An hour later Draco tossed the book aside in disgust. Why did the Grinch decide to give the presents back and return to the town? The Grinch had it right the first time; Hide yourself from society, hate yourself and scare away anyone that wanted to help. No one did anything kind out of the goodness of their own hearts, it had to be because they wanted something. The world was evil. No one really gave a damn about anyone else.

Take Granger for example; She only wanted to act caring and concerned because it was part of the role she carved herself, to make herself feel better she didn't _really_ care for him.

Sometimes Draco wished that the world could be different, caring and kindness really existed, he knew this wasn't the case and wishing was a useless thing, it only caused you to lose sight of reality.

The pain of it clawed at him, he knew it could never happen. The truth was, no one else cared for another soul, it was all just a sham. But that didn't stop his yearning for it to be true, to live in a world where people weren't selfish and actually cared.

His thoughts immediately went to cutting, he had to release the stress, the pain and the sickness of life. He picked up his quill almost too excited and pulled down his sleeve, opening to a blank page. He started to write angrily, angry at himself, angry at the world.

Draco had barely finished a sentence before the door swung open, Hermione walked in rudely "Stop it!" she cried staring horrified at the scene in front of her "Stop it!" she said repeating herself.

"Make me" he hissed, eyes narrowing, the irritating, prying, uncaring MudBlood. He slashed another line across the page ignoring the presence of the girl.

"Malfoy, you can't do this." she pleaded walking to his side "You're only hiding from your problems, and yes in the short term it will make you feel better but not in the long term."

"Oh, how precious." he sneered, "Miss Granger the walking encyclopedia, think you know everything do you? What utter crap."

"The point is, you're hurting yourself Malfoy. This has to stop," she replied smoothly

"No It doesn't." he spat back as he slowly dragged the tip of the quill across the page. Hermione was trying to hide it, the look of complete horror, she didn't do a very good job, though.

"Give me that book." she commanded "and that quill. Now." Draco gave her a foul glare, he was sick of being commanded and told what do to.

"I won't, It's mine," he said quieter than normal, losing himself in his thoughts for a moment

Hermione repeated herself her voice more dangerous "Now or I'll drag it off you."

Draco snapped back into reality and smirked: "Like to see you try." He felt calmer now that the heavy sting of his arms was starting to take effect. He twirled the quill in between his fingers "How'd you know I was using it anyway?"

She looked at him like the answer was obvious "I charmed the quill so I know when you use it, I assume you took it from my room?" she said at last.

"Of course" he drawled "I also read your diary. Very amusing I must say, What was that line? Ah yes, _I'm still shaking from what I just saw, I can't believe it to be real, it feels like a nightmare."_ he quoted in a high voice mimicking hers. He was pleased to see Hermione frowning angrily

"I would appreciate it." she said in a voice struggling to remain neutral "If you wouldn't read my diary."

"Hide it better then." he glared at her then shrugged "... you're reading mine."

"That's different. You're depressive and I'm not."

Draco didn't answer he only raised an eyebrow tapping his quill on his check. Annoyed, she tried to snatch the quill from his hands, but Draco's strength was overpowering and she couldn't quite manage to get it off him. She thought of another approach and quickly picked his wand up from the table next to them and before Draco had time to say anything she mumbled a few words "Accio Book, Accio Quill." Since the wand wasn't hers the magic wasn't very strong, but it still managed to pry the items out of Draco's grasp. She smiled triumphantly and Draco glared at her.

"Put my wand down, Mudblood."

She did so without complaining about the name calling, she knew she had won. Turning to the most recent pages of the book, she read what he had written.

 _Why do people pretend to care? It annoys me, they put up an act to make themselves feel better, everyone's selfish no one really cares..._

Hermione looked up and Draco glared at her, he didn't like his personal things being read.

"That's why you're doing this to yourself then? Because no one cares?"

"Shut up Granger" he spat but she continued on,

"I mean, It makes sense, Lucius is a bastard and your mother doesn't look too nice either..."

"Shut up! You have no fucking Idea what you're talking about."

Hermione ignored him again "...and I bet you don't have any proper friends either..." she stopped talking realizing that Draco was glaring at her extremely violently.

"You have no place" he hissed "to spectate on my life."

Hermione didn't reply and continued to read

 _Went to one of Fathers weekly visits today it was horrible, almost wish I had someone else to talk to, anyone."_

A tear fell down Hermione's cheek and Draco's patience snapped, he just wanted to be alone.

"Get out." his cold eyes which were normally empty were filled with rage "Get out now!"

"You can talk to me..." Hermione said wiping away a tear.

"GET OUT AND CUT THE BULL SHIT!" he screamed throwing the nearest object, an alarm clock, her way. She dodged it and fled the room still clutching the book and quill. Draco got up and slammed the door behind her sliding down on it and tucking his knees into his chest. Silent cries filled the room.

His bursts of anger, he couldn't control them. He was becoming more and more like his father and it frightened him.

Did Hermione really care?

 **~New Scene~**

From the corner of his eye, he could see Hermione's worried eyes glancing at him at least once every three minutes and he gritted his teeth. He was trying to do his Arithmancy homework which required a lot of concentration; she was sitting on the opposite sofa, the one nearest to the fire a book on her lap saying something annoying every 10 minutes.

Like now, "Hey, I was wondering..." she said uneasily "would you prefer me to call you Draco?"

Draco looked up glaring at her, "I would prefer it if you didn't address me at all." he muttered in reply,

Hermione looked sad, depressed even "I'm only trying to help..."

Draco suddenly got defensive "Help? I don't need help."

There was a pause in the conversation, nothing breaking the silence except for the sound of the fire. "It's not an act, you know Mal-Draco" her voice broke the silence Draco had been enjoying.

He rolled his eyes "Yes it is and an obvious one."

"No" Hermione replied, "It's not an act, I'm doing it because I want to and no one deserves to be miserable."

" _Everyone's_ Miserable, some people are just better at hiding it," Draco told her firmly.

"No Draco, they're not..." but Draco cut her off before she could finish,

He shot her a glare and stood from his seat "Stop lying" he spat in disgust but his tone soon became quiet "please." the last word he said his eyes had shown a hint of vulnerability but Draco quickly put his mask back on "Now Granger, if you don't mind I'm going to my room to be alone."

Hermione didn't reply, she only looked down at her book with a sad expression. Draco gathered his things together and made his way to his room.

Once he was inside he dropped his things on the floor, not really caring to put them away. His eyes immediately fell on his quill and book that he had once again stolen from Hermione. No, he wouldn't use it now. He didn't have to, the pain was under control. The alarm charm Hermione had placed on it was a great annoyance as well, But spells could be broken...

Draco picked up the book he found in Hermione's room, that she so carelessly forgot to pick up after charming Draco's quill, 'Alarm Spells' Draco looked at the chapters in the book, his eyes flickering to the one titled 'Counterspells'. Draco could feel his lips laughing, this had been way too easy.

He flicked to the page and began reading.

 **~New Scene~**

Cold Moonlight slanted in through the window, by now the only illumination in the room. It wasn't late barely even midnight, probably around nine o clock. But Draco was tired, he was lying in his bed and could hear Hermione in the common room studying, she was talking to herself which was rather annoying but Draco couldn't find the energy to get up and tell her to stop.

Apart from that, it was silent, the only other sound coming from the trees outside making a gentle lullaby.

Draco closed his eyes falling into a gentle doze.

Suddenly the moonlight vanished, making the room pitch black and Draco was awakened by a banging noise from the window. He threw the covers off in annoyance, his pale, bare feet touched the cold hard floor and he walked over to the window.

His father's owl.

Fumbling with the latch he finally managed to open it and the owl flew in, perching on his bedside table eyeing him haughtily.

Draco shuddered, it looked too much like his father.

A sigh escaped Draco's lips and he pulled the letter out of the owl's claws, stared at it for a few minutes then opened it.

 _Draco,_

 _I am not pleased with your behavior, you know whenever you get a letter from me you should reply as soon as you get it. You will write an apology for your lack of manners, and your punishment for tomorrow shall be made more severe. Very disappointed in you Draco._

 _-Lucius_

Draco placed the letter on the floor with a shaky hand, it wasn't really tomorrow that he would see his father, it was, but It was only in 5 hours. He knew tomorrow, he might have gotten a whack over the head or something, but not this, he knew what Lucius really meant by this letter and there was going to be a lot of pain and dark curses involved. His Father knew a wide variety of them. Never anything that would leave a mark. It was simple really, Obey of Suffer. Draco suddenly felt the weight of the world on his shoulders again, he felt like his blood was dirty, Malfoy blood wasn't pure, it was horrid. He needed to get rid of it somehow.

Not now, Not yet...

He had to reply to Lucius's owl, it might not make his father change his mind about the dark curses but it might make the pain a little less intense. Draco bit his lip and put on his mask, he had to make sure he wrote exactly what Lucius expected.

 _Father,_

 _My sincerest apologies for not replying sooner, my Head Boy duties have kept me busy and little time for any other. I hope that the unfortunate lateness of this letter is not a great inconvenience to you._

 _The Granger girl is annoying but tolerable I use the little time I spend with her to torment her. It is very amusing to see her reactions._

 _I shall, of course, meet you in the usual spot tomorrow at 1 am sharp. I look forward to seeing you._

 _-Your son, Draco._

The quill dropped out of his hand and he rushed to the owl, tying the letter to its leg maybe too harshly but it didn't wince, it didn't react at all; Father had it too well trained for that.

Draco carried the owl to the window and watched it fly away into the dark harsh night, then he slammed the window. His blood boiled, he needed to get rid of it. Draco crossed swiftly to his bed and pulled out his book and quill, thankfully he had got the alarm spell off earlier. He didn't need Granger walking in on one of his weak moments.

He was fine.

Draco lifted his arm and carved a word into the book, 'control'. The blood started to seep out of his arm and he pressed the quill to the book again, carving into the same place pressing deeper than before and he shivered with delight as the sharp pain spread through him like ice. He pressed again, this time making sure it would be a permanent scar.

There was a lot of blood, crimson even in the pale light of the moon. It seemed sinisterly alive; more alive than himself. How much do I have to lose before I die? He wondered. He should try it; what remained in life but submission to an uncaring bastard?

Draco cut deeply into his arm, managing to get the scar right across his vein. Crimson blood starting pouring out in huge amounts- surely this wouldn't take long? He stared at the cut in longing, he had wanted to do this for a while now but he hadn't been strong enough.

Once more he sliced into the book, this time more savage and a smile grew on his lips, he started to wonder how long this would take.

Suddenly he froze.

Maybe he was even suicidal? That's was what it said in Granger's book, wasn't it? That was what he was doing right now. _Suicide. Killing himself..._ Draco watched the blood pour out of his wound.

This was what he wanted, right? Surely he hadn't changed his mind because of that Mud Blood.

Draco bit his lip and everything around him started to look blurry, he quickly stood up and straightened his posture.

He was fine.

He stared down at his wrist, the cut was almost closed up but his arm still looked horrid.

Draco realized he was still holding the book and quill and he flung them away from him, disgusted at the sight of them. Pointing his wand at his bed sheets he mumbled a charm, ever so quietly "Tergeo" and before his eyes, the blood stains started to vanish and he released his breath that he hadn't realized he was holding.

Then he dropped his wand, stepped backward in horror, backing away from the bed where the nib of the quill mocked him.

He had to get away. He couldn't be trusted alone.

He turned and made his way to his door, the common room, which he knew was full of light, with a fire burning warmly in the fireplace. And Hermione was there, she would stop him from doing something idiotic.

But despite this, he still wanted it, he still wanted death, so why wasn't he granting himself it? Maybe Granger was changing him?

Maybe he wanted to be alive and dead? But that's what he was right now, he wasn't alive and he wasn't dead he was just simply surviving and that surely wasn't what he wanted.

So what did he want?

Pushing open the door he was greeted with a wave of heat, coming from the fireplace. The flickering flames were the only source of light in the room, but they lit every inch of the room with a cheerful glow. A smile warmer than the room came from Hermione "Hi Draco, you alright?"

~n*n~

~n*n~

~n*n~

 **END OF CHAPTER**

 **Hope I get some more reviews on this because by the looks of things, you guys don't like this story very much and I might give up on it.**

 **After all, there's no point writing a story nobody wants to read.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry guys for taking so long with this chapter, my brain had a mental block. I hope very much it's worth the wait.**

 **Thank you so much to the 8 people that reviewed! That's the most I've ever gotten, I'm actually so happy c':**

 **Disclaimer:** All characters, objects, spells and places in this story belong to J.K Rowling.

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER:** Self-harm, Child abuse, Depression, Cursing

Hermione/Draco Pairing

~n*n~

~n*n~

~n*n~

* * *

Hermione looked over at the blonde haired boy who looked like he had just seen a ghost and asked him another time "Is something wrong?". Draco was thinking about if he should tell her or not, whether or not could she be trusted.

Hermione was still staring at the shaking boy "Draco?" she asked gently. Suddenly Draco snapped back into reality and almost too quickly shook his head "Nothing." An extra cease formed on Hermione's forehead but she didn't challenge him. Draco crossed to the sofa and sank into its welcoming arms, he pulled his feet onto the pillows and curled up snugly, staring absently across the room. His left arm still hurt. Despite the warmth, Draco shuddered.

His gaze came to rest on Hermione. She scribbled down a few more things, pausing to stare up from her fat textbook, then she started to write again. The firelight played on her skin, in her wild, untameable hair, so as if she herself was part of the flames. In this moment Draco couldn't help but think how beautiful she really was, but It would never work out.

 _'Could Hermione ever love such a fucked up boy?_ ' he thought, staring at her.

She glanced up; perhaps feeling icy cold eyes on her. An expression that Draco couldn't place fell upon her face and she closed her textbook, even though it was plain clear she hadn't finished her work yet. Standing up slowly she made her way to the sofa and sat down next to him. Picking up the fluffiest pillow she cuddled it to her chest and stared into the fire for a moment.

"You're really pale," she said softly at last "I mean, paler than usual" she looked over at him with a sad expression "...Is it blood loss?"

He was silent for a moment, wondering what to reply "Perhaps." he said eventually, it was deeper than that, but It was too dark, too personal. He wouldn't go into detail even if she pressed him for it.

She sighed knowing full well that this perhaps was really a 'yes', she looked up to meet Draco's gaze, he couldn't quite place her expression, was it caring?

Maybe.

Was it an act? Of course, all caring was an act. But, with this act Granger had even fooled herself into thinking she really cared. Everyone was selfish.

Everyone was selfish.

Even so, he could see the sincerity in her eyes; could even see, in the corner of her eye, a sparkling threat of a tear.

"I wish you'd stop," she paused before continuing "I really do." she said in a voice so quiet that the sound waves only just reached Draco's ears.

What could he say? He couldn't stop, he was too addicted, this was the only way he could gain control of his life.

But he couldn't say this, instead, he looked over at her and shrugged and Hermione turned to look into the fire, silence filling the air.

It was a strange silence, not filled with rage, but it was a companionable silence. Definitely better than being alone, Draco tried not to think about what had happened, and how the quill mocked him when he left, how it was painful to part with it.

The cold room, the icy moonlight slice and the silent river of blood.

"Would you like a chocolate milkshake?" she asked gently pulling Draco out of his thoughts "huh?"

Draco blinked "huh?"

"A chocolate milkshake?" she offered again "I've been working on a spell for a while, I just thought a drink might be nice that's all."

"Sure" he replied giving her a weak smile "That'll be good."

She smiled in reply, a real genuine smile, big and wide. She stood from her seat and pulled her wand out of her pocket making a circle in the air mumbling the spell "Incodai Honasu" and sure enough, a glass started to appear. Once it had finished forming she handed it to Draco, it looked incredible; like something out of a muggle fairytale. The milkshake mixture filled half the glass, the other half had generous scoops of vanilla ice cream, topped with thick layers of whipped cream and a cherry.

"Thanks," he said sipping it as Hermione made her own, it tasted amazing. This was probably the first time he had ever drunken a chocolate milkshake, of course, he knew what it was he wasn't an idiot and he was familiar with most muggle treats, his father never let him try one, for himself, though. His father despised everything about muggles, he thought they were mindless sheep. But, he hated Mud-Bloods even more. Just the idea of a pure blood and a muggle or Mud-Blood breeding sickened him.

"You have cream on your lip by the way," she said as she wiped it off for him. The conversation dwindled and they went back to their own thoughts, staring into the fire.

Draco felt strangely light-headed, and the whole world around him seemed like a dream. The colours weren't right, the shapes, the sounds. He rested his glass on his knee and took in a deep breath, hoping it would help but it didn't. Everything started to blur, an instant later the world started to melt away, replaced by an interesting pattern of green and red. He forgot he even had a body, just a mind. He felt as if something was pressing against his mind, making it fade away.

"Draco!" The wrong volume, yet he couldn't decide if it was too loud or too soft. Blinking he realised that the blurring green thing in front of him was, in fact, Hermione's face. She was keeping her glass steady with one hand and with the other holding him upright and Draco realised he must've been falling forwards.

Pulling himself back, still feeling lightheaded he stared at the floor. "What was that? Are you alright?" she asked with a fearful voice.

"Fine" he muttered, "Just feeling a bit dizzy."

Hermione looked at him uneasily and her eyes widened "Dizziness? That's a symptom of blood loss." she bit her lip and Draco could feel the glass being taken from his hands, he heard the clunk as she placed it on the table. "Draco, what did you do?" she asked concerned.

"Told you. Nothing" he replied carelessly.

She knew he was lying - he could see it on her face- but she didn't press for information. Instead, she gently grasped his wrist before he could stop her and pulled up his sleeve revealing the dried blood and scars.

Draco didn't bother pulling his arm back or making up an excuse, she had already seen there would be no point. Instead, he turned his head ashamed.

"Draco!" she gasped "This is really bad." He shook his head but didn't offer an excuse and she carried on.

"You didn't. Draco tell me you didn't try to kill yours-" she paused "You didn't want to k-..."

The worry in her voice was too much to ignore, it was although what he did to himself hurt her as well. "I didn't mean to" he sounded strangely childish "I took the alarm spell off so you wouldn't interrupt me, I got a letter from my father and I guess I got a bit out of control."

Hermione was biting her lip, looking completely horror-struck: she could not have looked more shocked if one of the members of the golden trio had lain dead before her. Shaking, she got to her feet "I'mm, I'mmm going to, I'm going to tell Professor Dumbledore." she stuttered "You n-need help and I don't care if you tell Harry that I like him. Which I do not by the way. T-this is more important."

He stood up abruptly, trying to stop the room swaying as he did so. "You will not," he told her firmly. "I do not need help."

"Y-yes you d-do, you're suicidal."

"I'm not, I told you that. It was an accident." He told her simply "Don't tell Dumbledore please, I'm not like other people If I were to go and talk with somebody it'll just make things worse, and if my father ever found out he would..." He paused "nevermind."

She sniffed but didn't speak, staring at the floor. Finally, Hermione nodded and wiped the tear from her cheek, "Alright" she said softly "I won't tell anyone, but please try to stop this."

What could he do? "I promise," he said, and she seemed to accept that.

Hermione looked uneasily at Draco "What made you feel the need to cut this time anyway?" she asked kindly.

Draco looked her up and down, scanning to see if she really cared or if she just thought she needed to ask to make herself feel better. "I told you. Just a letter from my father," he mumbled staring into the flickering flames of the fire.

Somehow Hermione managed to hear him despite how quiet he spoke, "What did it say...?" she asked curiously, she knew he got regular owls from his father, but she didn't know what was inside them. It would have to be something quite horrific to make him feel the need to harm himself, right?

So, what could it be?

Draco suddenly got defensive, no one needed to know the content of the letters he received from his father.

It was too dark.

Draco's eyes flicker over to the clock; 12: 34 am. "Shit." Draco mumbled, "FUCK" he screamed. Hermione looked shocked by his outburst "What happened Draco?" she asked kindly but Draco couldn't control his anger.

If he was late he was sure his father would make him regret it, and he only had 26 minutes to get down to Knock Turn alley for their weekly session. Draco thought about not showing up at all but he knew this would make things worse the next time they saw each other and his father would find a way to make him regret that even more.

Draco knew he had anger issues.

He knew what words were coming out of his mouth, but he had no control over them.

"FUCK OFF MUDBLOOD. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP SO JUST PISS OFF." he angrily walked to the door, grabbing his coat from the hook and his fastest broom.

The same thought kept spinning in his head

 _'Please don't be late."_

He slammed the door behind him and walked carefully and quietly through the hallways making sure no professor caught him out of bed.

Once he was outside he pulled out his wand, everything was pitch black and he couldn't see a thing "Lumos Maxima" he mumbled and a flare lit the tip of his wand, illuminating most things around him. He was quite skilled with this spell and he could make it a lot brighter than most 16-year-olds could. However, he did have a lot of practice from all the sneaking out he did to met his father. Which was at least once a week. Holding his wand with one hand he used the other to control his broom, his wand lit the way as he flew as fast as he could to Knock Turn alley.

Holding his wand with one hand he used the other to control his broom, his wand lit the way as he flew as fast as he could to Knock Turn alley.

 **~New Scene~**

It was in this moment that Draco wished he owned a watch, a muggle object, his father would never approve but it would be handy in situations like this. Draco was in the usual meeting place but his father was nowhere to be found, Draco thought back to the letter he received, it didn't say about meeting in a new spot.

Did it?

Lucius appeared behind Draco snapping him out of his thoughts "You're late" Lucius drawled, frantically Draco shook his head "I'm sorry father, please don't..." he said backing away. Lucius walked over to Draco and stood uncomfortably close to him, he leant into Draco's ear and whispered "Malfoys." he paused for a moment "Do not beg." he spat as he pushed Draco to the floor. Draco closed his eyes; he knew what was coming next.

Draco closed his eyes; he knew what was coming next.

Lucius raised his wand and before Draco could do anything to defend himself before he could even move, he had been hit by the Cruciatus curse. He was lifted off his feet. He writhed through the air like a drowning man, thrashing and howling in pain. The pain was so intense, so all-consuming, that he no longer knew where he was. White-hot knives were piercing every inch of his skin, his head was surely going to burst with pain; he was screaming more loudly than he had ever screamed in his life and then after a good solid 10 minutes Lucius stopped and Draco fell onto the hard ground, causing an injury and blood started to form on his forehead.

Lucius walked over to the shaking boy, who was curled up in a ball on the wet concrete, "weak" he says as he spits on him. "You will tell anybody that asks about that graze on your head that it was from falling over. You stupid boy, do you understand?" Draco couldn't speak, even though the pain was over, he was in shock.

It was known by many that continuous use of the cruciatus curse can cause the victim to go insane, his father didn't use it on him a lot but never for a whole 10 minutes.

Nevill Longbottom parents went insane from the curse and they only endured 15 minutes of it. They were a lot more experienced though compared to him and definitely a lot stronger mentally.

His father was growing impatient and he kicked the boy hard in his stomach "I asked you a question boy!" Draco was finding it hard to disguise between reality and fantasy, he could only see shapes, blurry images, like before, but worse. Opening his mouth he spat out a mouthful of blood, "Y-yes father, n-no one will know." Lucius looked pleased with his work, he enjoyed playing with his puppet; making it suffer, pulling its strings.

~n*n~

Hermione stopped to take a breath, she just ran down to knock turn alley and she was hell bent on finding Draco.

About 30 minutes ago Draco left and she was curious as to what Lucius sent to Draco that made him want to harm himself. She went into his room and found the most recent letter, it was crumbled up but she read it fine. d It said something about meeting him in knock turn alley for a punishment. She was glad she read Draco's letter, but she had no idea where to go, she had to save Draco.

Knock Turn alley was a big and sketchy place.

Suddenly, she heard a scream, she recognised the voice, who was it?

Draco!

' _Oh no, I'm too late.'_ she thought as she ran towards the sound, flickering past houses and down streets, Hermione was soon out of breath, but she didn't stop.

She needed to help Draco.

Hermione finally made it to where the sound was coming from, she stared over at the shaking boy who was cuddled in a ball, this looked nothing like the Draco Malfoy she knew from Hogwarts, this boy looked broken, vulnerable and lost.

Lucius turned hearing footsteps and when he saw Hermione a look of anger filled his eyes "You nosey little Mud Blood!" he screamed reaching for his wand, but Hermione was too fast "Immobulus" she screamed and Lucius suddenly went cold, like a stick, frozen in time.

Hermione rushed over to Draco and held his head in her hands "shhh, it's going to be okay." she looked at the broomstick that was laying not too far from them, she wasn't the best flyer.

In truth; she was shit. But it was the only way, she couldn't carry Draco all the way back to Hogwarts by herself, he wasn't heavy or anything she just wasn't very strong and probably wouldn't make it back in time before people filled up knock turn alley. It was a very dodgy area, and it wasn't a place she wanted to be in when people were around. Hermione got on the broom and pulled Draco onto it as well.

She looked down at Lucius, after what he did to Draco he deserved to stay there frozen,

He deserved to stay there until someone kind enough found him and unfreezes him, which was unlikely because of the area they were in. Not many good people roamed around this side of town.

But she was a Gryffindor, could she really do that?

Hermione shook her head and decided to do things the Slytherin way, maybe Draco was starting to affect her.

She has had a crush on him since the second year, she didn't believe for a second that Draco was the evil mastermind behind the opening of the chamber of secrets. She denied the feelings she had for him at first but she couldn't deny them now, in this second, where the blonde's hair flipped perfectly in the wind and she saw for once, the real Draco and he was a beauty.

A star that was born from a cloud of darkness.

She hated seeing Draco like this though, in pain. It was although all the pain he had felt she felt it too. She knew she couldn't take him to Madam Pomfrey, if she did she knew the nurse would insist on healing everything which would result in the teachers finding out about Draco's unusual coping methods, that's what she wanted. He need help, but Draco said it would make only make things worse and she decided to trust him. She would just create her own healing potions; she wasn't that terrible at making them, in fact, she was rather good.

She steadied the broom and flew back to Hogwarts, she was going very slow, she didn't want to risk going fast,

What if she dropped Draco?

She would never forgive herself.

* * *

 **Please review if you want me to add more chapters. c:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Omg, I can't believe this is real. 12 reviews? Thank you all so much here's the next chapter. C:**

 **Disclaimer:** All characters, objects, spells and places in this story belong to J.K Rowling.

 **TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS CHAPTER:** Self-harm, Child abuse, Depression, Cursing

Hermione/Draco Pairing

* * *

Draco woke to a blurry image of a goddess, he blinked and soon realized it was in fact, Hermione.

Surely he wasn't starting to like her?

Draco tried to remember what happened but he simply couldn't, all he could remember was being struck with The Cruciatus Curse, the unbearable pain and how it hadn't completely gone away yet.

Hermione handed him a potion "Here" she said kindly "...To help with the pain"

Draco was angry, he shouldn't be, Hermione saved him after all.

But she should have left him there.

Interfering was the worst possible thing she could do.

Draco wondered what happened, did she do something to his father? Hopefully not.

He knew his father would be furious because she stepped in and like always he'd take his anger out on him the next time they saw each other.

"You've done enough Mud-Blood" he muttered knocking the potion she was holding out of her hands and it smashed on the floor.

Hermione didn't know what to say, "D-Draco, please just let me help you."

Draco stood to his feet, trying to stop the room from spinning as he did so, "I DONT NEED HELP" he screamed with fury.

Draco picked up the closest thing to him, a vase and he threw it half way across the room, only then, did he cry.

These burst of anger, they were getting harder to control.

The last thing he wanted was to turn out like his father.

Hermione walked over to the crying boy and gently hugged him. Who would have ever thought, the king of Slytherin crying in the arms of a Gryffindor?

He couldn't decide whether Hermione's actions were annoying or not annoying. There wasn't a better way to describe it. Helpful? Desirable? Comforting? The question helped him repress thinking of what happened earlier with his father, which he didn't want to think about at all. Draco had never hugged somebody before, but he liked it, he liked the touch of human contact without there being pain involved.

He had also never cried in front of another person before, the vulnerability, he didn't like it at all.

He quickly stiffened remembering who he was, and Hermione stopped hugging him, stepping back.

"Are you alright?" she asked with a worried look in her eyes, he could even see, in the corner of her eye, a sparkling threat of a tear.

"Fine," he said brushing some dirt of his robes.

He wanted to tell Hermione the truth, that he wasn't fine, that he'd never been fine but he couldn't. His trust issues were at an all time high and he was extremely cautious who knew what.

Hermione looked at him sadly "You know It's okay to not be okay, I've seen what your father does to you, I knew he was a bastard but never." she trailed off "...I never knew he did this, you have to tell Dumbledore."

Draco shook his head a hint of fear showing in his eyes "No, I can't do that"

Hermione gave him a reassuring smile "Of course you can, what your father did was illegal, I'll come with you if you'd like, be there every step of the way."

Draco glared at her, this had to be some sort of prank, no one cared for another soul so why was she pretending to? "Why would you do that?" he spat with disgust, but the disgust wasn't aimed at her, it was aimed at himself.

"Because it's the right thing to do," she said as she handed Draco another container of liquid "The potion," she said simply. He thanked her and gulped it down; it tasted of pepper and cinnamon.

"It's getting late." he observed finally "You should get to class."

"Are you sure?" she asked in the middle of packing her potions kit away "I mean, will you be alright?"

Draco shrugged his shoulders "I've been so other days after one of my father's sessions" he said simply "I should be so today."

Hermione nodded her head, "You're not coming to classes?"

"Of course I am, I've just got to do something," he said with a smile, it was the first time Hermione had ever seen him smile without it being a sneer and he knew she would take his bait. He did plan on going to classes but not until he had his quill.

He had tried to stop using it, but he soon discovered: without the quill, without the biting sharp cuts, he had nothing to fight the other pain he felt, and he shuddered to think of how it controlled him. Without it, the pain plagued him like a knife to the heart.

A worried look appeared on Hermione's face "You're not going to use your quill are you?" she said in a voice struggling to remain neutral, "Because if you are I'm not going to classes I'd rather stay with you"

Draco shook his head "No I'm not, I just" Draco thought it wasn't in his best interest to make another lie up to Hermione as she was a smart girl "I have to write an apology to my father..."

This was obviously not the right thing to say

"WHAT FOR?" she said loudly it wasn't a shout, but it had some gravity to it "HE SHOULD BE APOLOGISING TO YOU!"

A tear graced Draco's cheek but he wiped it away quickly "No he shouldn't, it's my fault, It's to make me stronger," he said without looking at Hermione, almost as if he was in a daze, "It's what I have to do, It's part of my role. I'm Lucius's son and I can't show any disrespect"

"Draco I wish you would just tell Dumbledore so he can be put in Azkaban," she said more quietly than before "I really do, he's an asshole."

Draco shrugged, what could he say? He was too terrified to do that.

Minutes must have gone by without either of them breaking the silence, Draco knew he had to get Hermione off his back and fast.

"You should get to class," he said trailing off "I'll be there soon."

Hermione looked at him "Only if you promise to tell Dumbledore." she said bluntly, and Draco looked up at her with a blank expression.

That was the last thing he was going to do, but he couldn't tell her that. He would have to just lie, after all, it wouldn't be the first time he'd lied to a Gryffindor.

Draco nodded his head, "mmhm, yeah I will." he said in a reassuring tone, not daring to look up at her.

The look of unease still hadn't left Hermione's face as she packed her bags.

As soon as Hermione left Draco stumbled to his room, the same words stuck in his head.

' _Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill, Quill'_

He couldn't deny that it controlled him, but he didn't mind, it granted him peace.

 **III**

10 minutes went by before he finally realized it wasn't in his room.

Draco's mind furiously worked looking for a reason, then, he remembered, Hermione, she was packing something in her bag very carefully, almost as if she was trying to hide it.

It had to be:

HIS QUILL.

Draco suddenly felt a flow of anger rushing inside him, kicking over the nearest object he found himself face to face with his reflection, it was showing a weak boy, one who couldn't control his emotions, one that needed to slice open his skin to feel something, a broken, worthless, child. His reflection looked up at him with disgust "You have no control, you're a weakling, a weak-link in the Malfoy family" it spat.

Draco's eyes were scanning his reflection, he knew it was right but that wasn't what he wanted to hear right now, how he wished he could just hear Hermione's soothing voice, but she was too far gone. Draco started to spit insults to his reflection, trying to make it stop, trying to put it back in its place.

Draco quickly got to his feet, knocking the mirror over, this was below him, acting this way, he was a Malfoy.

A pureblood, strong and merciless, he didn't need his quill, but then again; he couldn't stop thinking about it.

Draco's eye rested upon the clock, 9:38 am.

'Shit' Draco mumbled to himself, Hermione must've left around 8:45 as class started at 9 and she was normally the early one.

He knew he had to go, it was potions class and he had to keep up his good reputation with Snape, plus, he might even be able to steal some more healing potions.

But the pain was too intense, if he had a breakdown in class he would never forgive himself.

He needed his quill.

Draco looked back at the mirror, an idea springing to his head.

Picking up the vase next to him, he threw it at the mirror. A smile gracing his lips when he saw it explode into tiny pieces.

Draco leaned against the wall, slumping down against it.

Slowly picking the closest piece of glass to him he pulled his sleeves up, granting them with thin lines of beauty, pure crimson red trailed down his arms and a silent gasp escaped the Slytherins mouth.

* * *

 **END OF CHAPTER**

 **Sorry, this is a short chapter and it's taken ages to update. I've had a complete writer's block and I have no idea where I'm going to take this story, if you would please leave me some ideas in the reviews, I would greatly appreciate it. :)**


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